Sometimes I think back to the kind of person I was four years ago when I was still a homeschooling mom raising four kids in Central Ohio, and I simply marvel at how far I have come in the realm of control. I'll be honest--I never saw myself as a controlling mom; it's just that my kids and I were ALWAYS together, so I knew about everything, we talked about everything, I was on top of everything . . . that's just the way it was.
I lived a lot of my life in self-preservation mode: Being married to a preacher, I couldn't really count on Randy's help to get the kids ready for church on Sundays since he was typically gone to the building long before the kids got up; and because I really was a self-admitted control freak when it came to the girls' hair, I was always the one to dry it and style it every day. But if I am completely honest, I've just always really enjoyed doing things for my kids and I've realized, in looking back, that there were many things they were fully capable of doing for themselves that I did for them simply because they let me. Getting dressed, tying shoes, combing hair . . . I would probably still be helping Sawyer get dressed if I didn't have a full-time job!
But . . . I have a full-time job. And I don't have the luxury of time that I once had, nor do the kids when it comes to that. We're a pretty "on the go" family as it is, and getting six people out the door every morning can sometimes be a challenge. One thing I have learned in the 16 months since I started working outside the home is that I simply can't do it all, know it all, or be on top of it all, and if I were to try I would literally go crazy!
I've had to relinquish a lot of the control I used to wield over the kids due to the fact that there's just not enough time or me to go around. In the last year or so, I have really called on the kids to step up and be much more responsible for themselves: I expect them to make their own lunches, pick out their own clothes, get themselves up each morning, fix their own breakfast, etc. Wow, when I read that list it sounds like I'm such a bad mom but that couldn't be further from the truth! Yes, I said that out loud--I'M A GREAT MOM!
Seriously, though, the kids obviously NEED to learn those responsibilities, and they're doing a GREAT job managing those things. But even though they're in charge of making sure they don't forget their fruit or finding the shoes they threw off the night before, that doesn't keep me from occasionally lapsing back into my old habit of directing the kids in where they need to go and what they need to do. For instance, I don't ever want one of the kids to get a D-Hall for something as silly as being late to class, so I keep a close eye on the clock (not that I need to bother--Darcy has taken over that role quite nicely). If it appears that someone is dawdling a little too long over their morning cereal, I will gently remind them that they still need to brush their teeth/put on their shoes/stop goofing off and go get in the car, for heaven's sake! No, not really, but I do remind them to brush their teeth. A lot.
Yesterday morning, it occurred to me that I believe my kids quite like being with me almost as much as I love being with them because the following scenario played out at about 7:40 a.m., the time when all of us should be heading in our respective directions. The kids were all clustered in the kitchen and living areas and I had already said half a dozen times, "Okay, I've gotta go or I'm going to be late . . . so Peyton, don't forget to brush your teeth! And Sawyer, are you finished with breakfast? Then stop playing with Darcy for a minute and come finish! Tyler, I think you left your backpack upstairs! Darcy, stop playing with Sawyer and let him eat his breakfast! Peyton, I don't know where your shoes are!" And I should add that all the while, the kids were also talking to me a mile a minute while I was trying to get myself together to go.
I finally made it out the door, sighing internally at the scene I was leaving behind, with Tyler halfway through his bowl of cereal, Peyton spinning around in the kitchen and Sawyer and Darcy rolling around on the couch in some sort of tickle-fest. I stowed my work bag in the van and then decided belatedly that I wanted a banana for breakfast. I literally had not been out the door 15 seconds, but when I walked back into the kitchen it was . . . deserted. I imagined cockroaches scattering at the flick of a light switch. It was as though the kids were just waiting for me to leave before they would go finish getting ready. And in that moment, my heart just about swelled out of my chest. Ahhhh--I love being a mom!
I lived a lot of my life in self-preservation mode: Being married to a preacher, I couldn't really count on Randy's help to get the kids ready for church on Sundays since he was typically gone to the building long before the kids got up; and because I really was a self-admitted control freak when it came to the girls' hair, I was always the one to dry it and style it every day. But if I am completely honest, I've just always really enjoyed doing things for my kids and I've realized, in looking back, that there were many things they were fully capable of doing for themselves that I did for them simply because they let me. Getting dressed, tying shoes, combing hair . . . I would probably still be helping Sawyer get dressed if I didn't have a full-time job!
But . . . I have a full-time job. And I don't have the luxury of time that I once had, nor do the kids when it comes to that. We're a pretty "on the go" family as it is, and getting six people out the door every morning can sometimes be a challenge. One thing I have learned in the 16 months since I started working outside the home is that I simply can't do it all, know it all, or be on top of it all, and if I were to try I would literally go crazy!
I've had to relinquish a lot of the control I used to wield over the kids due to the fact that there's just not enough time or me to go around. In the last year or so, I have really called on the kids to step up and be much more responsible for themselves: I expect them to make their own lunches, pick out their own clothes, get themselves up each morning, fix their own breakfast, etc. Wow, when I read that list it sounds like I'm such a bad mom but that couldn't be further from the truth! Yes, I said that out loud--I'M A GREAT MOM!
Seriously, though, the kids obviously NEED to learn those responsibilities, and they're doing a GREAT job managing those things. But even though they're in charge of making sure they don't forget their fruit or finding the shoes they threw off the night before, that doesn't keep me from occasionally lapsing back into my old habit of directing the kids in where they need to go and what they need to do. For instance, I don't ever want one of the kids to get a D-Hall for something as silly as being late to class, so I keep a close eye on the clock (not that I need to bother--Darcy has taken over that role quite nicely). If it appears that someone is dawdling a little too long over their morning cereal, I will gently remind them that they still need to brush their teeth/put on their shoes/stop goofing off and go get in the car, for heaven's sake! No, not really, but I do remind them to brush their teeth. A lot.
Yesterday morning, it occurred to me that I believe my kids quite like being with me almost as much as I love being with them because the following scenario played out at about 7:40 a.m., the time when all of us should be heading in our respective directions. The kids were all clustered in the kitchen and living areas and I had already said half a dozen times, "Okay, I've gotta go or I'm going to be late . . . so Peyton, don't forget to brush your teeth! And Sawyer, are you finished with breakfast? Then stop playing with Darcy for a minute and come finish! Tyler, I think you left your backpack upstairs! Darcy, stop playing with Sawyer and let him eat his breakfast! Peyton, I don't know where your shoes are!" And I should add that all the while, the kids were also talking to me a mile a minute while I was trying to get myself together to go.
I finally made it out the door, sighing internally at the scene I was leaving behind, with Tyler halfway through his bowl of cereal, Peyton spinning around in the kitchen and Sawyer and Darcy rolling around on the couch in some sort of tickle-fest. I stowed my work bag in the van and then decided belatedly that I wanted a banana for breakfast. I literally had not been out the door 15 seconds, but when I walked back into the kitchen it was . . . deserted. I imagined cockroaches scattering at the flick of a light switch. It was as though the kids were just waiting for me to leave before they would go finish getting ready. And in that moment, my heart just about swelled out of my chest. Ahhhh--I love being a mom!
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