The Biggest Loser

That's what I felt like the other day. And not because I lost 250 pounds and won a million dollars on some reality TV show. No, I did what I am prone to do from time to time (okay, a lot) and allowed the words of a complete stranger to affect the way I feel about myself. And--get this--the stranger wasn't even talking to me!

Hi, my name is Andrea Todd. I have four kids. Have I ever told you that? I am always on the lookout for shortcuts that will make my life easier because I'm a busy wife and mother and, well, I'm lazy. (At least I own it.) And as God is my witness, I will admit to you, dear readers, that I have totally bought into the whole convenience food thing, at least when it comes to fixing school lunches.

If it comes in a prepackaged container, I am on it like ducks on a junebug. Even if a food is allegedly "healthy," I will buy a convenience package over anything I have to slice, dice or otherwise prepare myself. The most effort I want to exert in the morning when I'm packing lunches is in deciding which lunch meat Peyton is LEAST likely to take off her sandwich and throw away. Let me tell you, that can be quite a challenge!

So due to, oh, I don't know, my laziness busy-ness and all, I hadn't been grocery shopping in over a week so I made the trek on Sunday afternoon. Lunchbox-sized bags of chips, boxes of those little cheese-and-cracker sandwiches, fudge-covered graham crackers (I''m passing these off as cookies) and cartons of Capri Sun filled my basket. In my defense (and I can't believe I'm even trying to mount one at this point), I really do buy good foods to complement the evil ones, and every so often I put an actual, real-live pear or apple or tangerine in the kids' lunchboxes to offset the previous four containers of apples and peanut butter or pre-packaged grapes. Oh, and the Capri Sun is really not a normal lunchbox option for my kids (not that there's anything wrong with that). Normally it's bottled water every day. It just seems like I have morphed into "Follow-all-the-rules-all-the-time-Mom" and every so often I'd just like to be "Fun Mom." Capri Sun seems like a small price to pay to get to wear that title once in a while.

So anyway, I wheeled my cart to the checkout line and prepared to wait. Evidently there are a lot of lazy busy people in Arlington. I immediately noticed that the woman in front of me looked like one of those "crunchy" types--you know, "raw" (as in raw foods) and "earthy." I felt an odd sensation sweep over me--the first of what would turn out to be massive waves of guilt and shame before all was said and done.

As I stood in line behind Earth Mother, eyeing all the healthy choices in her cart, her cell phone began to ring. And what follows is her half of a conversation that I was forced to listen to:

"Hey woman! How are you?

"Yeah, I did six miles today. I ran four and walked the last two. I just didn't have it in me today."

"Seriously?! I want to do that! When is it? Down on the Brazos River? Is it one-man or two-man kayak? Seriously, let me know when that is because I will find someone to do it with me. That sounds like so much fun!"

"What's that? Oh, how do I fix my beets? Well, I boil them first to get them soft (not squishy), and then I quarter them (or however big you want them) and saute them in oil and garlic. I like to brown my garlic first. Oh, you'll love them!"

"Well, I told Brody I'd go run with him tomorrow morning, but we could meet up for some tea after that. Okay, great! I'll see you then!"

In all the time this conversation was taking place, I was making a monumental effort to shield my cart's contents from her eyes, while simultaneously poring over every object in hers. And this is the bulk of what I saw: So many different (and unusual) types of produce that the checker had to whip out her little cheat sheet to identify them all; some kind of organic bottled beverage; four (count 'em) FOUR potted plants; and two packets of sunflower seeds (to plant, NOT to eat).

As I stood there feeling like the world's more irresponsible mother, I suddenly came to my senses and realized that I am responsible for the choices that I make and I need to own them, and I cannot allow my joy to be robbed by some overachiever/health nut/show-off. So I straightened myself up, puffed out my chest, took a self-satisfied breath and, with head held high, grabbed my frozen pizzas and marched right on out of there!