Fear Factor

Tonight we were able to witness another Woodland West tradition--sort of. Every summer a group of high school students is selected to go to "Op Camp" (short for Opportunity Camp) in California for something like 10 or 12 days, to work with underprivileged inner-city teens. It's a big commitment that requires a lot of training and discipline, not to mention $$$.

The Op Camp team hosts various fund-raisers throughout the year to raise funds for the teens to go, and tonight was the last! big! blowout! to generate some serious cash. Just so you know HOW serious, as of this past Sunday the teens were still down roughly $7,500. Ouch.

The teens on the Op Camp team have been selling marbles to help finance their trip. Wait a minute--back the truck up. Marbles? Marbles? How boring is that? Turns out that for every marble purchased, the purchaser had to choose one of two jars in which to place said marble. One jar had a sign which read, "Op Camp Teens" and the other read "New Ministers." And the plan was that the team with the most marbles ("The Winners") got to blend up a vile, disgusting concoction for "The Losers" to drink, Fear Factor-style.

Now for years, I'm told, the teens have had this competition sewn up and have never had to seriously worry about coming up with the short end of the stick. I'm also told that former losers had to endure nothing more serious than, say, taking a pie in the face or eating a hot dog--yeah, one former minister HATED hot dogs and apparently he made the mistake of making that known. I heard he ate a LOT of hot dogs in his 19 years at Woodland West, poor guy.

Well, Randy, Emily and Tim must have some kind of charm because they absolutely creamed the teens in the marble competition. Good thing, too, because Tim realized belatedly that he had agreed to teach class at a church in Ft. Worth tonight, and if he had been one of "The Losers" he would have either #1 found a glass of I-don't-even-want-to-think-about-it on his desk tomorrow morning or #2 well, let's just say the first option is looking pretty good right about now--those teens would have shown NO MERCY!

So after class we all made our way into the gym where the teens, clad in aprons, were waiting breathlessly to see what utter putrefaction they were going to have to guzzle. Heaven help me--Vienna sausages, potatoes, carrot juice, chicken breast, a turkey wiener, pressed pumpkin, orange juice, fresh avocado, bananas and chili with beans--all pureed to perfection and poured into six glasses. For the most part the teens spluttered and hedged and stalled, but in the end Alan (ironically, he is Tim's son), being the all-around awesome guy that he is, downed his drink in one gulp. Must be all the Ukrainian food he grew up eating. A girl named Katy also managed to get (and keep) most of hers down, but the others barely even tried. (And truth be told, I'm not sure I'd have fared any better!)

I almost forgot the point of this post--when the teens were still begging for cash (I think they actually came within about $700 of their goal, which is AMAZING when you think about it), I saw two of the teens pick Sawyer up and carry him off like a pig on a spit, but then that's a pretty normal sight anymore. But a couple of minutes later I received a "ransom note" which read, "We have your son. If you ever want to see him again, make sure the teens win!" Rest assured, the kidnappers were apprehended, no money was extorted and Sawyer was returned unharmed. Just so you know.