Sawyer and I sat down this morning to play several rounds of Old Maid, prior to which I was informed by my young son that I am a cheater. Now I've been called a lot of things by my kids--"mean" and "no fair" spring to mind (don't worry, they call me plenty of nice things, too!), but rarely if ever have I been called a cheater by one of my offspring.
I have to admit, I sometimes cringe if I ever allow my mind to muse about the things that are possibly said about me by my children while not in my presence. I have been on the receiving end of enough diatribes by other children lamenting the lack of fairness they feel they receive from their own parents that I don't naively believe I've never been the topic of conversation amongst my kids and their peers. I say I cringe because I have also been witness to enough circumstances that were then blown out of proportion by a pre-adolescent youngster to know that it's possible, if not likely, that I have been maligned unfairly. Like being called a cheater.
So I asked Sawyer, "Why do you call me a cheater?" He reasoned that I am a cheater when I win the game or, put another way, don't let him win. 'Cause he really, really loves to win. Okay, Lesson #1: "Winning a game fair and square doesn't make me a cheater."
"Well," Sawyer persevered, "Peyton always cheats when we play football because she runs faster than me." Lesson #2: "Just because your sister runs faster than you doesn't make her a cheater."
I hate these stupid life lessons because I always feel ill-equipped to make my point; I never feel that I use the right words, though heaven knows I use plenty of them. So I simply explained for the umpteenth time that calling a person a cheater is hurtful because you are calling that person's integrity into question, and it isn't dishonest to run faster than someone else (unless you're on performance-enhancing drugs) or to beat someone else at a game (unless it's rigged in your favor).
But then I had to wonder: Am I considered a cheater if I know where the winning card is and purposely avoid choosing it simply because I know how much joy it will bring my four-year-old son to win the game? If so, then I am guilty as charged.
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2 comments:
Yeah, that's a tough one...I enter that dilemma every time I play with some of my kids in counseling. Would it be better for their self-esteem if they win occasionally, or would it be a good "teachable" moment to allow them to lose to show them that throwing cards and cussing at Ms. Tindell is not a good way to show your anger. Isn't there a manual for this?
Hey Amy--that's funny that you brought up the issue of self-esteem because no sooner had I posted that entry than I thought, "I probably should mention that I also give my kids plenty of opportunities to learn the art of losing well." Sawyer and I played the same card game a day or two before and it just so happened that I beat him twice, so today I decided to go easy on him!
As for a manual, how I WISH I could get my hands on one!!! :-)
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