Why Am I Not Surprised?

I had a little bit of a personal meltdown the night before last. We're all friends here, right? I can admit that without shame, can't I? I guess I should clarify a few details, however, since what constitutes a meltdown for me might be a whole different animal for someone else.

Essentially, I had reached the end of my rope. Burned my candle for so long at both ends that the wick was non-existent. Seen my limit and far exceeded it. And Thursday night culminated in a brief but powerful burst of hot, frenetic tears and anguished moanings that left me spent but feeling, not surprisingly, like the earth might actually continue to spin and that I simply needed to hang on for the ride.

You see, every once in a blue moon, I get delusions of grandeur. I think I can do it all. I forget that I'm only one person and I am most definitely NOT Supermom, but it's fun to pretend once in a while. I'm pretty good at it, too. I think my family really does think I'm Supermom (sometimes), and that only serves to stroke my ego and cause me to overextend myself even further. Tsk, tsk. Pride goeth before a fall and all that.

So after my nice, cathartic cry on Thursday night after which I tried to put everything back in its proper perspective, I awoke on Friday feeling energetic, optimistic and ready to face the day. Reason #1? Because Friday was Haircut Day, and anytime I'm getting my hair cut is a good day. Reason #2? Because we were having friends over for dinner and that's always fun. A good day all in all. Our friends even kindly cut our evening short (well, they left around 10:30, I think, but I would have gladly had them stay 'til midnight, we were having so much fun) because they knew I had to be up early for a ladies' conference at church this morning.

And I was tired, so, so tired. Of course, I stay tired. But my eyes hurt and all I wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep hard.

"Mooooommmm!"

Honestly, I should have seen it coming. And this was just pure Satan, I know it was, because he knew how tired I was, he knew how early I had to get up this morning, he knew I was slightly apprehensive about my role in the conference, he knew I'd already lost sleep several nights before, and voila! My weakness.

The voice calling me in the darkness was sweet Sawyer's, who, mercifully, has had night after night of uninterrupted sleep since we got his allergies under control. So I wasn't entirely sure what his issue would be on this night of all nights. this night when I really needed sleep above all else, but the moment I entered his room my nose told me what the issue was. Sawyer was sick. And I trust that's as graphic as I need to get for you to catch my drift.

Over the course of the next five hours I was up with him five separate times and yes, it really was once an hour. He threw up all over two sets of bedclothes (oops, okay, THAT'S as graphic as I'll get, I promise) and when I had no more to replace on his bed, I moved him to a sleeping bag so that his floor and not his bed received the lion's share of the damage. Nothing was spared, really, and he was so discouraged. Somewhere around 3:30 a.m. I went in his room for the third time and Sawyer looked at me mournfully and said, "Mom, it's just a throwey-up night." Apt words.

I was absolutely exhausted when my alarm went off, and frazzled and scattered and all the other things you don't want to be when you're about to go lead a Bible study group. I ended up driving to the church building twice--yep, I had to turn around and go back home because I forgot my Bible. My Bible! Of all things! I had all my other materials but forgot my most important accessory!!!

I called home during the lunch break and spoke briefly with Sawyer, who told me that his belly wasn't bothering him anymore; nevertheless, when Randy took the kids to the Fall Festival at PCA (sniff sniff--I missed the Fall Festival on this gorgeous fall day), he said that Sawyer made two trips into the bounce house (and they were timed visits so as to move as many kids through as possible) and spent the rest of the time sitting and watching everyone else frolic and play. Two jumps in the bounce house over the course of nearly three hours? That's just not right. Lord willing, the bug has run its course and Sawyer will be so tired from the lack of sleep last night that he'll have nothing but sweet dreams to occupy his slumber this evening. Cross your fingers, because I'm getting too old for this!